A recent move to Berlin along with biological changes I have experienced since having the implant inserted in 2013, has inspired me to re-approach the notions of gender and identity.

I am gender fluid and have now chosen to be addressed as a ”they’

Although female assigned at birth and female biologically, I struggle to relate to the traditional, outdated notions of binary gender that states that you can only identify yourself as male or female. Gender should be psychological, fluid and mindful.

I am genderfluid, I am neither entirely female nor male. I can switch from gender-neutral to female, from female to male, depending on how I feel. Being genderfluid is different from being a transgender male or female, as I do not identify myself with one specific biological gender. I am Joe when I am a male, Zoey when I am a female and as a model, and Joie when I’m gender-neutral and work as a photographer. I can be a they, a she and a he.

When I am gender-neutral I like to combine my masculine and feminine sides through my gestures and choice of clothing, without having to identify with one side exclusively. At those times, I feel a stronger need to lend my support, and stand up against the injustice and violence that are directed against women and the LGBT community.

When I am a female I feel the need to accentuate my feminine side, and to act and dress accordingly. I want to be pretty and enjoy the attention, chivalrous gestures, and treatment I receive as a girly female.

When I am a male I feel the need to accentuate my masculine side and to act accordingly. Having a mostly feminine appearance and body, I can never be identified as a male physically or make a convincing drag king if I cross-dress. But mentally, when I am a male, I am an alpha one. I am dominant and assertive. I feel I should have been born with different genitals. I feel the need to adopt a masculine role, even within heterosexual relationships. I feel the need for my maleness to be acknowledged.

As well as being genderfluid and gender-neutral mentally, I have also become gender-neutral in a biological sense. My female reproductive system is non-functional, as a result of having had a contraceptive Implanon implant inserted in the summer of 2013. I happen to be one of the few people who it stops from menstruating completely and experiences no side effects. The monthly physical torment and turbulent mood swings which I used to have no control over have become a mere memory. My biologically female reproductive system no longer has a hold on my emotions.

Some people seem to think that having a preference on gender has a direct influence on one’s sexual orientation, even when it doesn’t. I have always been mostly heterosexual and I still am, but that does not prevent me from being with a female if the right one comes along. Gender and sexual orientation are states of mind; sex is biological.

Ruby Rose- A Short Film about Gender Roles

Image Credit: Ruby Rose by Michael Spencer

This guest post was written by Joie So Hryggur.